I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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