Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
