Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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