If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
this just has baby written all over it
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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