Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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