Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
