Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
