he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
They took my balls.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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