Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i came on her dog
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
