my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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