ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
