i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
