I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
