Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
