dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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