I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
