He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
