how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
