remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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