im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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