I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
