dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
