when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so that wasnt chicken after all
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Who died my cat blue again?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
His nipple licking is glorious
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