Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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