If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
