Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
