i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
