If i come over, it means nothing
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
