I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
