I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
