dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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