How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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