Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
