I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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