Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
