I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
