i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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