Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
