Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
