How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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