Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
