A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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