his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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