I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Randomize
