This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
