I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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