Redeem this text for a blowjob
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I touched a dick in church today
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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