WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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