wake up i wanna do it froggy style
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
