I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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