It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
