uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
