All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
